That sure is a lot of rules to follow...
A Few Rules of the Game:
Wedding invitations are probably one of the most sweated invitations of your entire life! There are so many rules out there that you can follow. Then, there's always the option to throw conventionality out the window and break them all! Whichever way you choose to go, here are a few rules of thumb to be sure you won't have your guests saying, "OMG. I can't believe she thought this was appropriate!"
#1 Follow Form
Invitations convey more than just the simple message of who, what, when, where and why. The weight of the paper, the elaborate nature of the font, the delicate way you tie the whole thing together - that all conveys a certain style, level of formality and a sense of what your special day is all about.
Thicker paper with a more elegant font usually conveys a more formal wedding while a whimsical design and block style lettering can let people know this is going to be a little more relaxed!
When it comes to envelopes, I tend to stray away from the idea that ALL invitation envelopes must be addressed by hand. Who has the time or the patience when you're trying to iron out all of the other details?? I have had numerous envelopes printed with a beautiful calligraphy font and they look stunning.
Another way to allude to the formality in your wedding is the actual wording. On my website, there are helpful links to a wide array of wording styles - from formal all the way to unconventional!
#2 Mention the Major Players
Who is hosting this shindig? Typically, those people are shelling out the big bucks to ensure you have the day of your dreams. They need to be listed as the ones who are inviting the guests. So whether you say, "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe request the honour of your presence" or "Katie and Jack want to share their special day", they need to be given the credit of inviting everyone.
#3 No Kiddos?
How can you let someone know not to bring their kids along without stepping on their toes? Very carefully. You can easily let them know by way of omission. On the inner envelope, if you have one, just list out the parents' names and not the children. Alternatively, if you don't have an inner envelope, list out who is invited on the outer envelope when you address it. A simple way to include everyone is by saying, "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Family".
If you wanted to exclude the children? "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe".
#4 Invitations to Everyone
Traditionally, anyone over the age of 16 gets their own invitation, even when living in the same house. Couples of all kinds always get one invitation - they are invited as a couple!
#5 Use Enclosures
Enclosures are handy little inserts you can put in your invitation packet that advise guests of certain things. You can use them to advise of attire, reception locations, directions to the venues, an RSVP for them to send back to you, hotel locations, etc. You can use them to give out whatever information you need! Just make sure it's not all on one cluttered card... it looks bad!
Yes, all of those enclosures WILL increase the weight and possible thickness of your invitation. Most invitations actually do cost more than a normal letter in postage to mail. Take one of your invitations, stuffed and in an envelope, to your local post office to see how much postage your invitations will need. Sometimes, you may even need them hand canceled by the staff there so that they don't get ruined going through the scanner.
#6 Don't Fish for Gifts
I always like to advise brides to resist the urge to put in their registry information as an additional card. It makes you appear to be fishing for gifts rather than caring about the person you're inviting. If you want to point people in the right direction, I am a fan of creating a wedding website and including THAT information on your RSVP.
Ex: "For more information about the festivities to come, check out our website www.weddingwire.com/stevenandmichelle"
On your website, you can include a section for your registry. That way, you give guidance for people who want to buy a gift without seeming like the gift is more important than the guest.
#7 Think Ahead
I'm always surprised when brides approach me one to two months ahead of their wedding day expecting their invitations to be turned around and mailed out NOW! If you're dealing with a hand crafted stationer, chances are it takes them a little while to make those tiny pieces of art. Each one is meticulously cut, placed, secured and tied up with a tiny little bow just for you. It is very difficult to get an invitation set turned around in a week or two.
So my suggestion is: plan ahead. Invitations are usually mailed out 6-8 weeks before the big day. You should probably be shopping for your invitations about SIX MONTHS before the day comes around. That way, you have ample time to design, order, double check, address, and mail out your invitations, giving your guests the time they need to send back their RSVP.
The coolest thing about weddings today is the prevalence of information online! This little list is by far not a comprehensive list of rules you might or might not want to follow for your wedding. Using that simple little Google tool, you can find a wealth of information at your fingertips.
With all of that available to you, there should be no problem finding the perfect combination of etiquette and formality to fit your style!
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